Oceania Space Traffic Control: Roger Legacy, this is traffic control. Standard navigation sub-channel will contain approach vector encoded for your ship. Welcome to Oceania.
Paris: Not yet, we've only just arrived. I don't think the news would have reached here yet.
Serron: In that case, why don't we contact the company here on Oceania, tell them what happened, and say that unless we receive our reward we're going to deliver their shipment of computers late.
Paris: I thought we decided blackmail was immoral!
Iki Piki: Like taking his money then turning him in wasn't immoral.
Serron: Hey! He was immoral first! Well, in that case I vote we just land, unload, and leave.
Paris: You know, Sparrials are rather cat-like.
Iki Piki: I thought Sparrials were more rat-like.
Lycroft: Watch it!
Serron: Yeah, great. We exchange one cramped environment for another cramped environment. In space, if we puncture the wall, the air rushes out and we die. Underwater, if we puncture the wall, the water rushes in and we die.
Iki Piki: A change is as good as a holiday.
Serron [reading safety information sign]: "In case of emergency, find a hatch and swim."
Paris: Why does this not fill me with confidence?
Serron: That's it! I want a cylinder of air or a self-inflating raft!
Serron has bought himself a cylinder of compressed air and a self-inflating life raft, and Paris has bought herself some SCUBA gear. I'm not so concerned about the safety of the city, but I did notice the shopkeeper look concerned when I asked him how much force it would take to rupture the hull.
Spanners: Ho, ho, ho. And there was much merriment.
Iki Piki: The hotel clerk told me there's a Pachekki restaurant just round the block. Do you guys want to try some real food?
Spanners: I'll pass. I like live food, but... seafood? Urgh. The thought of seafood makes me what to throw up.
Serron: I'll try anything once.
Iki Piki: Yum, tube worms. If you don't like them wriggling, bite them between the eyes first.
Paris: Oh no, I think I'm going to be... blerr gurgle hurblurrggg...
There was some sort of ruckus in the kitchen after Serron went to the bathroom. I think he threw some catalyst crystals into the tube worm tank, boiling them all! Thankfully I managed to pay and we got out before they made any connection to us. Serron was still hungry and has bought some food from a street vendor.
Serron: Again?
Paris: Not like that!
Spanners: Well, it has been a while.
Paris: Hey! You guys...
Lycroft: How often do humans breed?
Serron: It's all they think of.
Iki Piki: Serron... Where are you anyway?
Serron: I'm a few blocks down the street from you. I found a private party and made myself welcome.
Tepi: You mean you crashed it?
Serron: They have great food here...
Serron: We have a big tank of water on board already.
Paris: That's for reaction mass. And drinking.
Serron: Hmm, no, fish breed in water, don't they? Urgh...
Lycroft: Flowers breed in air.
Spanners: Good comeback. But seriously, we'll need to hire some powered water tanks to fit in the Legacy's cargo bay.
Serron: I'm going to buy a jetski and a speargun before we get on this train.
Iki Piki: The chances of there being two bombs on a train are small, so I'm going to take one.
Paris: O-kaaay. Who else is coming on the train to Flargess?
Tepi: I will.
Paris: Spanners?
Spanners: Against my better judgement.
Paris: Livestock?
Lycroft: Only if you stop calling me that.
Spanners: Light Rock.
Lycroft: That's better.
Serron: Hey guys. Have a good trip? I don't think they had enough food on my train...
Lycroft: Uncle! Good news! I just checked in with the local office of ISN and they've authorised a big payment for my last report, the interview with Queen Natasha.
Spanners: The continuing story of Serron the Magnificent and his bumbling side kick...
Serron: Hmmm. Well, I've been doing something useful with my time. I've decided we should pick up a cargo for Badlands. It's a lawless frontier world.
All: Hmm...
Serron: Or Rubilith...
All: No!
|
Lycroft: So, what Mafia connections do you have, Captain Stecker? Stecker: What the hell... get off my ship! Lycroft: Hmm, so not going to answer my questions about your Mafia connection, eh? Stecker [beckoning to crew members]: Throw this kid off the ship! Lycroft: Hey! [video image shakes wildly as Lycroft is escorted off ship] In a clear case of unprovoked assault, alleged crime boss Captain Stecker orders intrepid reporter Lycroft from his ship of iniquity... Stecker: And stay off! Lycroft [whispering, pointing camera at own face]: Ever resourceful, your investigative reporter stows away on board the Sirius... |
Spanners: A cargo-boat named Desire... STECKER!
Paris: Tepi, you're with me. What about the rest of you, are you coming on the Sirius?
Iki Piki: Yeah.
Paris: Spanners?
Spanners: Against my better judgement.
Paris: Livestock... hey? Where's Livestock?
Spanners: Don't know.
Serron: He'll show up.
Iki Piki: At the worst possible moment.
Paris: If worst comes to worst he'll catch a train...
Spanners: You mean if best comes to best.
Serron: I'm making my own way to Beldano. I'm going to hire a ship to follow you. Just in case. The local news has reports about pirate attacks in the Arras islands region, which is where the Sirius will be sailing.
Iki Piki: Why would pirates steal fish?
Spanners: Because we're pirates that's why. My father was a pirate, my grandfather was a pirate, that's just the way we are, arrr, arrrrrrr!
Paris: Well I'm not letting them steal our cargo.
|
Lycroft: Your intrepid reporter has risked life and limb to bring you this report. Here we see the alleged Mafia-boss Captain Stecker surveying the dangerous Arras Islands... Paris: What's wrong? Stecker: There's a ship approaching. It's not answering our hails. [hands Paris binoculars] Paris [looking through binoculars]: It looks a bit run-down. Iki Piki: Ram it! Lycroft [zooming in on approaching vessel]: I see it! Paris: Lycroft! Where did you come from? I can't believe I called you Lycroft. Lycroft [videoing her]: So, Paris. Are you looking forward to being a slave? Stecker: Hey! Didn't I throw you off my ship? [Gatling laser fire from the approaching ship hits the water at the bow of the Sirius.] Lycroft: Woah! Cool! Stecker: Crew! Battlestations! Crew member: Boarders! Stecker: What?! They're not close enough yet! Crew member: Larrokites! Climbing over the gunwales! [Video swings around to show Larrokites climbing aboard. Paris and Spanners fire stunners and lasers at them. Crew and boarders fight. A gas grenade is thrown near Iki Piki, who jumps overboard carrying SCUBA gear.] Serron [over radio]: The sonar over here shows the presence of an underwater city. Stecker: There shouldn't be any city here. The charts... [Lycroft videos him close up, then swivels back to the action on deck. Paris is speared in the side by a speargun, fired by a Larrokite. She pulls a blaster and incinerates a Larrokite. Tepi is netted and pulled off his feet. Larrokites are dragging two netted crewmen across the deck. Paris collapses. Spanners uses his blaster, is almost netted but escapes.] Serron: I'm activating our ship's distress signal. I suggest you do the same. Stecker [firing at boarders, who are now jumping overboard]: Already done. [Tepi and the netted crewmen are dragged overboard by the Larrokites, leaving the deck empty except for wounded crew.] |
Beldano: This is the Ocean Navigational Authority in Beldano. Go ahead.
Serron: We are under attack. Larrokites swarming the decks of the Sirius. And there is an uncharted underwater city right beneath us, at this location.
Beldano: Stand by. That doesn't look right...
Serron: You're telling us it doesn't look right?
Spanners: Relax for a second while I get these bandages on. You're lucky that spear didn't hit any vital organs.
Iki Piki: I've made it to the other ship. Lots of bodies on deck. Most are human, some are Larrokite. Looks like they were boarded too.
Serron: Beldano is sending help, but it will take a few hours to get here. I'm going to take my ship's minisub down to investigate this underwater city.
Iki Piki: The crew here who are still alive say they were trying to warn us. Their radio was smashed so they couldn't call for help or warn us by radio. They were firing at the boarders.
Spanners: Strange, Larrokites aren't normally religious.
Lycroft: Maybe they're religious zealots.
Paris: But Tepi's down there. And the two crew members. They might still be alive.
Spanners: We need someone to SCUBA down there. Iki?
Iki Piki: But that's suicidal.
Spanners: Defusing a nuclear bomb with plastic cutlery was suicidal.
Iki Piki: Not as suicidal as not defusing the bomb.
Serron: Well I'm going back down in the sub to have another look.
Paris: Let's wake up one of these stunned Larrokites and interrogate him.
Stecker: I got one... Hey! Wake up!
Paris: What have your friends done with the captives? Have they taken them alive down to that dome?
Larrokite: The god will come.
Lycroft: Great, it's a doomsday cult.
Spanners: Or should that be a "domesday" cult?
Larrokite: Sacrifices will be made.
Lycroft [videoing him]: Sacrifices to who?
Larrokite: The god Rugooblipp demands blood...
Lycroft: Cool! We have to go down there!
Paris: And your plan is?
Iki Piki: Go down there and video everything?
Lycroft: Well... basically, yeah. Bit sketchy on the details... but that's my plan. Are you coming?
Paris: Okay, that's good enough for me.
Spanners: We won't be able to communicate with you underwater. Our radio communicators won't transmit far through water. What we need is a really long aerial.
Lycroft: I'm sure Serron has a really long aerial stashed somewhere.
Spanners: No, a really long aerial. Thirty-four metres at least.
Lycroft: Maybe if we looked in his jacket...
Spanners: Um, no.
|
Lycroft [to video]: Here we are, Paris Smith, Iki Piki, Lycroft the Intrepid and our trusty pilot. Laser, stunner, video camera. We're all set to take on the underwater zealots from planet Oceania. Pilot: Okay, there's the dome Serron went into. Paris: So, just out through the airlock, and into that door over there? Pilot: That's what he did, and he got inside okay. Iki Piki: All right. Let's do it. And let's hope he's still in there and hasn't gone wandering. Lycroft: Oh, I'm sure Serron the Magnificent will have found the prisoners already by now! [Video of climbing into airlock, compartment flooding and exterior hatch opening. Lycroft, Paris and Iki swim to the habitat dome door and press the open button. Door opens. They enter and the close the door. Compartment drains and interior hatch opens. Video pans around room, which is a living quarters, and is empty.] Paris: Damn. He's gone. Serron! Where are you? Iki Piki: There's a computer terminal switched on here, showing a map of the city. It's showing spots where people are. Looks like there's a big gathering in the main temple dome. Paris: He's not answering on radio. We're going to have to find him as well as the others. Lycroft [narrating for video]: The brave and resourceful Serron has led the way before us. Iki Piki [pointing at computer map]: That's probably him there. Look, this passage is clear. We can make our way to the temple dome. That'll be where the prisoners are. Paris: All right, let's go. [Video of a dash down a long passageway, with short side passages leading off it. It stops at a door. The camera is pushed up to a small porthole in the door, showing a large habitat dome with several small buildings around the outside and a large temple in the centre. A few Larrokites are seen walking around.] Paris: There's the temple... Look, we can run over there and get close without being seen. Iki Piki: Let's go! [Video of frenzied run across the open square to the temple. View sweeps upwards and pans around to show the whole temple, then zooms out dramatically.] Lycroft: Here in the stronghold of the sacrifical cult, your intrepid reporter brings you coverage of horrible practices... [Video zooms in to show temple interior through doorway, where a large group of Larrokites is massing. Zoom to altar at the centre of the temple, with Tepi and the two captured crew are standing, tied with ropes.] Lycroft: You can see our companions, about to sacrificed to the bloodthirsty gods of this murderous alien sect. Paris: You can see them? Lycroft: Power zoom with low-light enhancement. They're near the altar. Iki Piki: There's hundreds of them! Shall I set off an explosion? Paris: You can't kill them! Iki Piki: They're a doomsday cult! Paris: Just because they want to die doesn't give us the right to kill them! Wait, I have an idea. [Walks forward into the temple. Video zooms in on Paris.] Faithful worshippers! Take us to the sacrifices! I have come to bring you Armageddon! Iki Piki: Arm a geddin out of here... [Video shows stunned faces of Larrokites, watching Paris as she walks forward towards the altar.] Serron: Hey guys, I'm at the main power plant. I'm going to cut the power to the whole city. Iki Piki: Serron! Wait a minute... Paris: I have come for the sacrifices! [She reaches Tepi and pulls out a knife to cut his bonds.] Larrokite High Priest: Sieze her!!! Iki Piki: Serron! Now! [Lights suddenly go out and video is black for a second, then returns in infra-red mode. Tumult of voices and running feet. Larrokites running everywhere.] Paris: I've got them! Iki, where are you?! Iki Piki: Paris! Over here! Paris [approaching, with released captives]: How are we going to get out of here? Iki Piki: There's a hatch near where we entered this dome. I think we're going to have to swim for it. Just exhale all the way up so your lungs don't burst. Lycroft [running to hatch]: Heroic action by Serron the Magnificent, timing the decommissioning of the power plant to perfection, once again saves the day! Worshippers of Rugooblipp. Dangerous apocalyptic cult, or simply misunderstood? This is Lycroft the Intrepid, for ISN. |
Serron also made it back to the surface after he cut several power cables in the main generator plant of the city. Thankfully we're all in one piece, and hopefully the rest of our trip will be less eventful.