Intro: I’m watching Game of Thrones for the first time. I don’t know anything about it more recent than this episode.

The Wall: Jon prepares to leave north with Tormund to make his offer of safe passage south of The Wall, as snow begins to fall more heavily. Winter is definitely coming, apparently. Jon tells Ser Alliser that as First Ranger he is in charge of Castle Black until Jon returns. Alliser says it’s his duty to inform Jon that he thinks this mission is reckless, dangerous, and stupid. Jon thanks him for his “usual honesty”. Sam gives Jon a dragonglass blade, telling him that it’s what he used to kill a White Walker. Jon says thanks, but hopes he won’t need it. He and Tormund head off north. Alliser, the boy whose village was wiped out by wildlings, and a few other rangers give Jon dark looks as he leaves. You can tell there’s trouble fermenting here. Castle Black may not be the same, or as loyal to Jon, when he returns.

Sam and Gilly sit with Maester Aemon as he succumbs to illness and old age. Aemon babbles a story about his brother, who became the king, before slipping away. The next day, Sam gives a eulogy before they burn Aemon on a pyre. More dark looks from Alliser. He knows Aemon was the deciding vote that gave Jon the title of Lord Commander over him. With Aemon gone, he may start to question the validity of the ballot, and perhaps use this as justification for a mutiny of some sort.

Later, Gilly is doing some cleaning work when two members of the Watch walk in on her. She tries to leave, but they prevent her, and start to make rude comments and request a kiss from her. Then Sam walks in and tells them to leave her alone and get out. The two are primed for a fight, and think they can take Sam. They nearly do, pummelling his face and giving him a good kicking, when Jon’s wolf Ghost comes in and growls at them in no uncertain terms. The two flee, leaving Gilly to pick up Sam and tend his wounds. A bit later, Sam is resting in bed, with Gilly dabbing his bloody face. Then she stops and kisses him. Then she straddles him, and loosens their clothing… and Sam violates the Night’s Watch oath of chastity. Although as he pointed out to Jon, not technically, since the oath is to abstain from marriage, not sex.

Well, Castle Black is prime for a mutiny, and Sam and Gilly may end up caught in it if they’re not careful. And we’ve yet to see if Tormund can really be trusted in his bargain with Jon. It feels like he’s not one to make a deal with the enemy, so I’m suspecting a better than even chance that Tormund will betray Jon at some point.

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Intro: I’m watching Game of Thrones for the first time. I don’t know anything about it more recent than this episode.

Braavos: Arya washes more dead people in the House of Black and White, doing her best “wax on, wax off” routine in the hopes of actually getting some of the combat training she came here for. But she’s too much like Ralph Macchio and impatiently asks an older girl what happens to the bodies. The older girl says she’s not ready to know yet. Then she proceeds to tell Arya a story, of how she came to be here in the House, coming from a family torn apart by tragedy, a story with echoes of Arya’s own. Arya is sympathetic, but then the girl asks her, “Did you believe what I just told you?” and walks off.

Jaqen shows up and asks Arya who she is. Arya tells her story, but Jaqen interrupts several times, telling her she’s lying and hitting her with a thin stick. Arya looks like she’s just about to snap, but she keeps her seething bottled up inside. Jaqen says she’s not only lying to him, but to herself. Honestly, I don’t get this mystical Obi-Wan Kenobi crap or why Arya’s putting up with it. I feel like I want her to snap and throw Jaqen to the ground and start punching his face and start yelling, “Just get on with it already!!”

Later, A man comes in with a sick young daughter, telling Arya that this is his last hope – none of the other temples could heal his daughter. She lies in pain on the floor. Arya makes a decision, and goes to the girl, telling her everything will be okay, and to drink the water from the well in the floor – which is poison. She drinks. Next scene, we see Arya washing the dead girl’s body. Jaqen appears and leads Arya down some stairs into a huge chamber that looks a bit like the Hall of Dworin, except the pillars have hundreds of life size clay faces on them. Possibly the faces of all the people who have become Faceless Men? Do they actually rip the faces off? It all seems a bit weird, but suitably mystical and spooky. Jaqen tells Arya she’s not yet ready to become no one, but she is ready to become someone else.

Okay, more cryptic* rubbish. Seriously, I would have lost patience with Jaqen’s schtick long before this. I guess I’m not cut out to be a Faceless Man. I wish he’d just get on with it and tell Arya something straight for once.

* Ha ha!!

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Intro: I’m watching Game of Thrones for the first time. I don’t know anything about it more recent than this episode.

Mereen: Grey Worm survived the attack at the end of last episode. Ser Barristan didn’t. Daenerys mourns Ser Barristan, while her translator Missandei tends to Grey Worm. He recovers consciousness after three days, and his first concern is for Barristan. He says he failed, and he is ashamed because when he was wounded he felt fear. Missandei says there is no shame in fearing death. He says he did not fear death, he feared that he would never see Missandei again. She bends over him and they kiss. This is a bit strange as Grey Worm, like all the Unsullied, is a eunuch, and previously Daenerys had expressed disbelief that any of them could have feelings for a woman. But Grey Worm is perhaps exceptional in more ways than one. I guess we’ll see.

Daenerys is angry about the attack, and orders that all the heads of the noble houses in Mereen be rounded up and brought to her. This includes the man who has been advising her and asking for her to restore the fighting pits, in order to placate the restless people, and he is shocked and terrified (I still don’t know this guy’s name). Daenerys takes the nobles down to the dungeon where she has two of her dragons chained up, and feeds one of them to the dragons. Then she says she will show mercy, and merely has the rest of them locked up.

Later, Daenerys asks Missandei for advice. Missandei humbly suggests that she is not worthy to offer advice to a queen. But that she has seen Daenerys take advice from many people, and that Daenerys’s best actions have always been ones where she chooses to do something herself, rather than following advice. And sudden;y Daenerys settles on a plan. She heads down to the dungeons, to the cell of the fighting pits guy, who grovels at her feet for mercy. She tells him that she has decided there is a better way to get the people of Mereen to accept her. She will reopen the fighting pits – although for free men only, no slaves – and she will marry one of the heads of the noble houses of Mereen. Oh, and fortunately a suitor is on his knees in front of her already. The guy is suitably stunned.

Okay, well, it’s good that Daenerys has finally decided to show some gumption of her own, rather than dither between various ineffectual bits of advice. Using her dragons is a good step. Hopefully her plan will start to get the people behind her, so she can raise a huge army and go on the rampage back to Westeros. It really feels like Daenerys’s story has stalled for the past few seasons, and I want to see her back in action.

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Intro: I’m watching Game of Thrones for the first time. I don’t know anything about it more recent than this episode.

The Wall: As the new Lord Commander of the Watch, Jon gets to sign a bunch of requests to surrounding lords for more men to man the Wall. Sam hands them to him one by one and Jon works his way through them, until he gets to one requesting men from Roose Bolton. He objects, saying Bolton killed his brother Robb. But Sam points out that they need more men to defend the Wall, and Roose is now Warden of he North, and Jon’s oath is to defend the Wall, not seek vengeance. Having no counter-argument, Jon reluctantly signs.

Later, Melisandre seeks out Jon and tries to seduce him, but Jon manfully resists. He says he still loves Ygritte, even when Melisandre tells him that dead people can’t return love. She leaves, defeated, but gives Jon an ominous sounding parting message. I bet she has more tricks up her sleeve. Melisandre really is a mystery. I don’t know what her game is. She talks to Stannis later and warns him not to make the same mistake of leaving her behind like he did at the Battle of Blackwater, and he says no, he won’t.

Stannis is making plans to march on Winterfell. His daughter Shireen approaches and asks him if he’s ashamed of her, with her facial disfigurement. He tells her the story of how a passing merchant from some land (I think he said it was Dorne, but not sure if I remember correctly) suckered him into buying a wooden doll for her when she was younger. She held it close to her cheek, but it had been infected and gave her the greyscale disease. Stannis’s advisers told him to send her away before the infection spread to others, but instead he sought all the Maesters he could until he found one who could halt the disease. He is proud of her, as a Princess of Westeros. Shireen looks pleased.

So, this greyscale disease seems like a plague of some sort. I’m guessing it’s been introduced as a thing because maybe it will play a part in the story later. Although it’s hard to tell, because this series introduces so many different things. Maybe it’s just another bit of detailed worldbuilding. But presumably Shireen will end up playing some important role later on.

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Intro: I’m watching Game of Thrones for the first time. I don’t know anything about it more recent than this episode.

The Wall: Stannis makes another overture to Jon, to accept the legitimised title of Lord Stark and rule the North, but Jon rejects him again, quoting his vows to the Night’s Watch. Jon asks how much longer Stannis is staying at Castle Black, and Stannis comments on the subtlety or lack thereof of Jon’s question. But then he says he will march on Winterfell within the fortnight. Jon tells him that the wildlings will never follow him, so Stannis tells Jon that it’s up to him what to do with them, as the new Lord Commander of the the Watch.

At dinner, Jon is seated at the commander’s position on the high table. The seat next to him is empty, and he asks where Maester Aemon is, to be told that he is ill. Jon then makes some announcements to the men. He starts by declaring that a new latrine needs to be dug, so he is appointing someone to lead the work crew. The camera lingers on Ser Alliser, looking sullen and petulant, and gives the impression that Jon is about to assign him this filthy task. But no, he appoints one of the men, who takes it good-naturedly amongst the laughs of his comrades. Jon then mentions Alliser’s valuable service to the Watch, and appoints him as First Ranger, which takes Alliser by surprise.

Next, he orders Janos Slynt to travel to some other castle (presumably along the Wall a bit) and restore it to service. Slynt refuses and calls Jon a pretender, and that he should order someone who cast their vote for him. Jon calls him to order, but Slynt ups the ante with insults. Jon responds by ordering Slynt held and taken outside, and asks for his sword. One presumes the penalty for blatant insubordination in the Watch is execution. Slynt is placed on the execution block. He panics and begs for mercy, saying how afraid he is, and that he’s always been afraid. Jon hesitates briefly, then swings his sword, beheading Slynt. Stannis looks on approvingly from a balcony.

Okay, so Stannis is going to try to take Winterfell back. That should be interesting, especially given what’s happening there (see next section). Maester Aemon’s illness must be foreshadowing, possibly of the old man’s death, otherwise there’s no plot reason for him to miss the dinner. Aemon cast the deciding vote, so if he dies soon one could see Alliser mount an argument that Jon’s appointment is less than valid. Although Alliser has also lost a supporter in Slynt, so Jon would still win the vote. Jon presumably wants to set a mark for upholding the rules and not taking any flak, thus his swift justice against Slynt. Presumably Slynt figured Jon wouldn’t have the gumption to go through with an execution, otherwise why stand up to him so stupidly? Especially given what a coward he is. Unless something else odd is going on here.

And now Stannis is leaving, but the hints of plot involving Jon and Melisandre, and Gilly and Stannis’s daughter haven’t led to anything yet. So maybe there’ll be more development of those before Stannis leaves.

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Intro: I’m watching Game of Thrones for the first time. I don’t know anything about it more recent than this episode.

The Wall: Stannis’s daughter is teaching Gilly how to read. She hasn’t made much progress, as Gilly struggles to recognise the letter S. Gilly starts asking the girl about the scaly deformity on her face, implying that it’s some sort of known affliction that usually spreads, and wondering how it was stopped. I don’t remember what the answer was. Anyway, the girl’s mother (Stannis’s wife) arrives and breaks up the fun.

Stannis tells Jon off for showing mercy to Mance Rayder, by killing him with an arrow while he was being burnt alive. But then he offers Jon the chance to swear allegiance to him. In return, Stannis will declare him a legitimate son of Ned Stark, thus granting him the title of Lord of Winterfell, and will help him rebuild it and claim rulership of the north – as a vassal to Stannis the King. Jon turns down the offer, saying he’s already sworn his loyalty to the Night’s Watch, and if he’s not good for his word, what good is he as a lord?

That evening, there is a vote to see who will become the new Lord Commander of Castle Black. This is a bit odd – I’d always assumed that Ser Alliser would simply take over, seeing as he seemed ot be the next in the chain of command after the previous commander got killed. And because he’s antagonistic to Jon, so of course making him the commander would provide the maximum drama. But I guess the Night’s Watch is a democracy, not an autocracy!

People get a chance to speak in favour of various candidates. Janos Slynt, the weasely guy who hid in a room with Gilly during the battle, speaks for Ser Alliser, and it seems essentially settled already. Another man talks up another candidate, but you can he’s not going to win. Maester Aemon is about to call the vote, when Sam steps up and makes a speech about Jon, much to Jon’s obvious embarrassment as he tries to wave Sam off. Sam mentions how Jon essentially single-handedly saved the fort from the attack, and a bunch of other cool stuff. Alliser rebuts, saying all that may well be true, but calling into question Jon’s loyalty, as he has spent a lot of time in the company of wildlings.

The vote happens, everyone casting a shaped chip into a jug, which is smashed open to spill the contents, which are placed on wooden spikes through the holes in the middle to tally them. Alliser and Jon are equal first. But Maester Aemons has the deciding vote, and drops his chip on Jon’s tally, making Jon the new Lord Commander! Alliser casts him a black look as Jon manages to break a smile.

Well, as soon as Sam started speaking I knew this would be the result, but prior to that this was completely unexpected. As Commander, Jon has new responsibilities, and Stannis will find it harder to pull him away. But this primes Alliser to do something nasty to get even. He really seems to hate the wildlings, so I doubt he’ll do a full on betrayal, but he may well stab Jon in the back at some point – either figuratively or perhaps literally.

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Intro: I’m watching Game of Thrones for the first time. I don’t know anything about it more recent than this episode.

And here we are into Season 5!

King’s Landing: We start with an unfamiliar scene, with two girls I don’t recognise walking through a forest. They come across a hut and go inside, the blonde one urging the reluctant brunette girl on. Inside is a woman – and at first I think it’s Osha, who we haven’t seen for a long time after she took Rickon and parted ways with Bran Stark. So I’m a little confused for a minute, because it turns out this isn’t Osha at all, it’s some witch. Blonde girl accuses her of being able to foretell the future, and asks what it holds for her – specifically will she marry “the prince”? Not-Osha says no, but she will marry a king.

At this point I have an inkling who this blonde girl is. Blonde-girl asks about children, and the not-Osha witch says the king will have 20 children, but she will only have three. Yep, that clinches it. It’s young Cersei. Blonde-girl says that children thing makes no sense. Not-Osha tells blonde-girl she will be queen, but a more beautiful queen will rise to take her place…

And Cersei snaps out of a flashback dream. She’s riding in a litter to the Sept, where her father Tywin lies in state (after Tyrion shot him last episode). Someone tells her that the visiting dignitaries are waiting to pay their respects, but Cersei snaps that they can keep waiting and goes in alone, to find Jaime inside. They argue, she accusing him of letting Tyrion go.

Later Cersei runs into a Lannister cousin, who seems to have taken some sort of monkish vows. He tries to preach his new faith to her, but she is grumpy and dismissive. He asks for forgiveness for “their adulterous affair” (Cersei and this guy? Really??) and for giving Robert Baratheon wine before his fatal encounter with a wild boar on his last hunting trip. Cersei seems disinclined to chat further and storms off.

Loras is enjoying the company of another young male in his bedroom, when his sister Margaery walks in. She dismisses the paramour, telling him that the King is expecting to see Loras and he doesn’t want to keep the King waiting. Margaery admonishes Loras for being so indiscreet. he says it doesn’t matter because (a) everyone in King’s Landing knows everyone else’s secrets anyway, and (b) he doesn’t need to worry about Cersei because now that Tywin’s dead she’ll cancel their engagement, so he has nothing to worry about. He reckons this is bad news for Margaery though, since now he won’t be taking Cersei away to Highgarden, so Cersei can stay in King’s Landing and mess up Margaery’s plans to manipulate King Tommen. Margaery ominously says she’s got a plan to handle that…

So. The witch’s prophecy about Cersei has come true so far… all except being deposed by another queen. Who could that be… Margaery or Daenerys? Well, I guess we’ll see. This new Lannister cousin is a bit odd. I presume he’ll have something to do with the story coming up, otherwise why introduce him here? Maybe he’ll convince Cersei to adopt his religion and become a nun? Ha ha! Good one. And finally Margaery. What Loras tells her is true, but what devious plan does Margaery have to deal with Cersei? This all looks good for palace intrigue in the near future.

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Intro: I’m watching Game of Thrones for the first time. I don’t know anything about it more recent than this episode.

It’s the end of season 4, and hopefully that means exciting things for this episode!

The Wall: Jon walks north out of the tunnel, picking up directly where the previous episode left off. He passes the scattered bodies of dozens of wildlings who fell in their assault on The Wall. Jon approaches the camp of Mance Rayder, and surrenders himself. He speaks with Mance, telling him that he’s here to talk terms. Mance is interested to chat a bit, and say that all he wants is for his people to get south of the Wall before winter sets in. If Jon will open the tunnel and let them through, Mance promises not to kill anyone on the way. Jon doesn’t seem to think this is an option. And fair enough, because I suspect that even if Mance kept his word and didn’t kill anyone at Castle Black, I doubt he’s just going to have his thousands of followers find some nice empty farmland and settle down peacefully. They’d almost certainly have to raid or conquer existing settlements to find enough food, so Jon’s reluctance makes sense.

Mance asks Jon about Ygritte, and he replies that she’s dead. Mance pours a drink and they toast her memory. Jon is a bit wary, but Mance says that of all the ways he would kill Jon, poison is the very last of them. Mance asks about the giant who entered the tunnel and didn’t come out. Jon tells him he’s dead, and he killed his friend Grenn in the battle. Mance toasts Grenn and the giant.

It almost looks like they’re getting chummy, but Mance suddenly spots a gleam in Jon’s eye as Jon contemplates taking his chance to grab a knife and kill Mance. Mance says oh, so that’s why you came here. There is a moment of tension as we wonder what Mance will do with Jon now…

And suddenly there is the sound of horns and horses! In a wide overhead shot we see hundreds of horsemen pincering Mance’s camp, and battle is joined. It’s confusing and I don’t know who is attacking. I suppose if I recognised the banners I could have worked it out, but I don’t know this one. In a brief battle the mystery attackers win and capture Mance. The leader appears… It’s Stannis! And Davos with him. Wow. I didn’t expect them to show up here of all places. I mean, north of the Wall? What are they even thinking coming here?

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Intro: I’m watching Game of Thrones for the first time. I don’t know anything about it more recent than this episode.

Well, I’d been hoping to see whether Tyrion is executed or manages to escape this fate. But that will have to wait for next time, because this episode takes place entirely at…

The Wall: We open with Jon and Sam standing atop the wall, on watch for attacks from Mance Rayder’s wildling army. Sam asks Jon what it was like, being with Ygritte in an intimate fashion. Jon stammers out some lame metaphors for how it felt, then exclaims, “I’m no poet!” Sam sagely nods in agreement, “No, you’re not.” Jon asks Sam if he didn’t … have experience with Gilly. Sam says of course not, but implies he might be interested. When Jon mentions the vows of the Night’s Watch, Sam points out that they forbid marrying, and fathering children, but not any other sort of activity with females.

Sam leaves Jon and heads down the Wall to Castle Black. He goes to the library and meets Maester Aemon, lamenting that his actions led Gilly and her baby to their deaths. Aemon comments that Sam is obviously in love with her, which Sam denies, but Aemon knows from the way he spoke about her earlier. Aemon says he too was once a young man, Aemon Targaryen, and he could have had a very different life to the one he ended up with.

There is a cut scene to the party of wildlings who attacked Moles Town, with the leader talking to Ygritte. He questions her loyalty, but she says all she wants to do is kill Crows (Night’s Watch men). She thinks Jon is probably dead, but if she met him she wouldn’t hesitate to put an arrow through him. Uh huh.

There’s a knock on the gate of Castle Black. It’s Gilly! The guard doesn’t want to let anyone in, but Sam pulls out some swear words, which astonishes the guard so much that he opens the gate to let Gilly and her baby in. Sam leads them into safety and they have a moment of reunion, in which he kisses her. Horns sound – the Wall is under attack from Mance’s army to the north! Sam says he has to go defend the Castle; Gilly doesn’t want him to leave her. He promises he won’t get killed and will return. That’s a pretty bold promise in Westeros!

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